I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
