I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
