i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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