Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
