giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
