i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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