You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
