wrigley field is MILF paradise
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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