I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
