I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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