If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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