We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
