That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
