i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
