There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
