Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
