You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Randomize
