If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
