A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
