also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
