I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
