and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
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