I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
