just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
