Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
