Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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