I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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