no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
