and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
