You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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