didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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