Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
