My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
