your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
