We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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