So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i love accidental penises.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
