It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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