JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
