i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
