Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
