I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
