I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I think I just sharted jello shots
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
