I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I think my moral compass just broke
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
