Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
