paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
