I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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