It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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