im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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