The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
In other news, I just burned my penis
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
