Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
