sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
