Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
