I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
soo... how was my night?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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