you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You are the jesus of drinking
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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